Yep, it's been forever again but there's not even an apology this time. You know the drill...My inspiration, if that's not too grand a word for it, is my birthday this time. If you were looking for a recipe you're all out of luck I'm afraid :)
So I'm going to be thirty soon. Yes T. H. I. R. T. Y. Really really soon. There's a good reason why this word rhymes with dirty because it's honestly the filthiest word I can think of right now. Surely this birthday has to be the most traumatic? Sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one, twenty-five, all these birthdays are pretty exciting in lots of ways. Sure, you make a little fuss at 25 because it has the slightest hint that you may just be a 'proper grown-up' now, but deep down you're more than aware that actually you're still just in your mid-twenties and nobody in their right mind could call you old. And on the other side we have forty, fifty, sixty and beyond if you're lucky. I'm inclined to think that by the time you reach these milestones you've already accepted that you are indeed a full blown adult and although getting older isn't a bag of laughs it's certainly inevitable. And, as you're now so wise with maturity you won't feel like throwing a massive paddy and holding your breath until you pass out just to make it all go away. Right now I feel some need to commit the latter but I have to say it isn't actually quite as terrifying as I once imagined it to be. In fact I'll let you in on a little known secret here... After doing a small poll amongst my nearest and dearest we've come to the conclusion that turning 29 is far worse than reaching the big 3 0. The stress I put myself through last year was horrendous! Knowing that the coming year was to be the last of my twenties sent my head into serious Scanners mode (it's a movie if you don't know - watch and be disgusted), and I was an absolute nightmare for at least three months before the event. In fact I was so very horrible at my birthday party that I'm too ashamed to share my behaviour with the world wide web, but rest assured that Veruca Salt would have been inspired by my petulance. Obviously I had imagined that THIS birthday was going to send me completely over the edge and I'd seriously considered booking myself into a mental institution for six months just to be around people who could cope with my freak out. However, like I said it really doesn't feel so bad. It doesn't feel GOOD but I think I might just feel a sense of relief when the bloody thing gets here and I can get on with the rest of my life.
There is something about this momentous occasion though that I simply can't ignore and that's all those billions of 'things you MUST do & learn before you're 30' lists that are floating around in cyber space. Most of them are complete shit and quite frankly if I had done half the things they wanted me to I'd be ashamed to know myself, so I decided to make one of my own. So here's the stuff I think is important to know. It's schmaltzy in parts but it's the best advice I can give. Obviously I'm still working on a few of these myself, but heck I've still got two and a half weeks left to go...
1 - Learn to cook for yourself. It doesn't have to be an array of amazing dishes but by this point you need to have at least two or three ways of feeding yourself and others without the aid of a microwave. I know I sound like your granny but it's the ruddy truth!
2 - Get rid of all the deadwood in your life once and for all. "Friends" who make you feel like something they've trodden in, bosses who make your working life a living nightmare, and notions of who you think you're supposed to be. This is it. Whoever you are right now is the person you're supposed to be. Try and like that person, treat them like you would a good friend and stop forcing them to be something they'll never become. As long as you're not hurting yourself or others YOU'RE ALRIGHT :)
3 - Stand up for yourself, the ones you love and the things you believe in. This sounds like a woolly one but I honestly think it's the trickiest lesson of them all. All of the people will not like you all of the time, it's just impossible. Instead of attempting to please and placate, stand firm and hang your thoughts and feelings out there for others to see. Yes, this will make you unpopular with some but quite honestly these aren't the people you need in your life anyway. Others, whether they agree with you or not will be impressed by the belief you show in yourself and respect you - these are the ones to hang on to.
4 - If you're not already a parent and you think that someday you might like to be, then get a pet. It's the best way to learn how to put the needs of something which is defenceless and mute before your own. Dogs are the most dependant so if you have the inclination then go for it, I'm sure you'll be glad you did!
5 - Learn to be alone sometimes. This one's hard for me. I've always been terrible at being on my own but it's such an important lesson that I've slogged my guts out at achieving it. The only person we'll never lose touch with is ourselves so we need to find that person bloody good company.
And that's it I think. Nothing funny or wild or deviant I'm afraid, just five things that I wanted to share. Oh and one other - if you haven't flung yourself of a bridge with a bit of elastic tied around your ankles by this point then you haven't lived at all. Ha ha ha.
